Best Beyblade Summary in 50 s

Daichi: Battle me!
Tyson: No way!
Daichi: Battle me!
Tyson: No way!
Daichi: Are you chicken?
Tyson: … Just for that, I’m challenging you to a battle!
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Daichi: BUT IT’S MY HOME TOO!!! OMG I BELONG HERE!!! LET GOOOOOOO TYSON!!!! *proceeds to break every mirror in the house with high-pitched voice*
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Tyson: Are you guys excited that one of you is going to be my bitch, er, I mean, tournament buddy? It’s a real shame one of you is gonna get canned.
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Tyson: OMG WHY IS EVERYONE LEAVING ME??? *pulls a Harry Potter*
Kenny: Well, I’m still here for you, buddy!
Tyson: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!?! *acts with the maturity of a rubber ducky*
Kenny: … Gee, thanks.
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Judy: Hello, Max. I am your cold-hearted bitch of a mother who’s decided to drag you away from your home and friends so I can have a world champion on my team. Welcome home, son!
Max: I love you too, Mom!
Judy: Don’t hug me plz thnx.
Max: *kicked puppy eyes*
Judy: Anyway, this freak with pastel-green hair is your new partner.
Rick: Hello there. I look like a 35-year-old gay porn star. But really, I just like spinning tops, walking around with a boom box on my shoulder and… *eyes Max* …young blond boys. But in a totally platonic way.
Max: … *backs away slowly*
Judy: Aww, I knew you two would get along!
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Somewhere in China…
(Ray is back in town)
Lee: Ray! My oldest and dearest friend! *grovels at Ray’s feet in an embarrassing way*
Mariah: My star-crossed lover! *displays chest, which has expanded inexplicably since the last season*
Kevin: *bares fangs in greeting*
Ray: Good to be home, guys. *flashes Crest smile*
*The White Tigers collectively forget about his last desertion*
Creepy Master Dude: Young grasshoppers wallow happily in mud and eat sticky rice.
Ray: …Who are you?
Creepy Master Dude: Don’t you recognize your old master, Ray?
Ray: Right… because you so totally never appeared in the flashbacks back in season one.
Creepy Master Dude: So sue me. I was working as Hopposai’s stunt double in Ranma ½ then – did you actually think he pulled off all those panty thefts by himself?
Ray: …So you’re going to give me wise advice and shit?
Creepy Master Dude: Well… I might have to skip the first part. But the shit… yeah, I think I can do that.
Lee: *growls* Oh Ray, can I lick your feet?
Mariah: *inconspicuously unbuttons shirt*
Gary: *eats Kevin*
Ray: Yup… home sweet home.
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Tyson: Goooooooo Metal Dragoon Fiery Rainbow Trout Extravaganza!!!!!
Max: Goooooooo Windy Draciel Heavensent Ice Shocker!!!!
Kenny: *adds a new name every time Tyson totals his blade*
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*All four opponents are panting and sweaty*
Erica: …anyone else picking up on the blatant innuendo?
*Beyblades grind against each other in mid air*
Erica: …
Jazz Man: I don’t think they can go on much longer! They’re SPIRALING HIGHER and NEARING CLIMAX.
Beyblade producers: *are on LSD*
*Giant DUST CLOUD OF SUSPENSE rises*
Jazz Man: Annnnnnd the winner is…… Lee?
Lee: *looks shocked*
Everyone: *so totally didn’t expect that*
Ray: *pretends not to pout*
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Tyson and Kai: *wake up on alien beach of battle trances*
Kai: *sits up* Wow.

Tyson: You can top next time.

END